Active Listening, But Make It Main Character

Before she passed, my grandmother, the woman who raised me, looked my husband dead in the face and said:

“This one right here? You can tell her anything you want. And she’ll listen. (*long dramatic pause) Then she’ll go do whatever the hell she wants.”

Legend behavior. And absolutely correct.

Because I do listen. I’m a very good listener. But I don’t take orders. I take notes.

And if I’m being real? The only reason I know what I’m doing half the time is because I’ve learned to shut up and listen to myself.

Now, we’re all told to be active listeners.

You know: Make eye contact. Nod. Reflect their feelings. Say “that must be hard” even when you’re thinking “you did this to yourself.”

But who teaches you how to apply active listening internally? To your own damn voice. The one that’s been patiently waiting underneath your calendar invites and performance reviews like:

“Hey babe. Quick idea. You hate this.”

Here’s my routine: I sit on the porch before the sun rises. I stretch middle-aged bones, I put on music I know so well, it basically disappears. And that’s when the real me shows up with her little whiteboard and says:

“Okay girl. Let’s get to work.”

That’s not magic. That’s neuroscience. (I know, wild.)

So let’s look at three moves backed by science and translated by me:

1. Familiar Music = Brain Wandering Mode Activated

Science says when your brain isn’t focused, it shifts into the Default Mode Network, a fancy name for “deep idea time.”

Try this: Play your comfort songs. The ones that unlock your villain origin story. Don’t analyze. Just vibe. If something brilliant floats in? Write it down. If nothing comes? Congrats, you still rested your frontal lobe.

2. Write It Like a Crazy Person

Expressive writing lowers stress, increases clarity, and makes you feel like you’re not losing it (even if you are).

Try this: No cute notebook required. Just open a doc, your Notes app, a Waffle House napkin—whatever. Dump the brain. Half-thoughts. Emotional spirals. Marketing taglines. That idea you’re scared to say out loud. You’ll feel better. And 30% smarter.

3. Body First, Brain Later

Your nervous system clocks truth before your brain does. It’s basically the shady best friend of your intuition.

Try this: When faced with a decision, ask: Where do I feel this? If your stomach flips, your shoulders lock up, or you start sweat-scrolling LinkedIn for no reason, that’s a clue. You don’t need a pro-con list. You need to believe your own signals.

That’s the work. Not the hustle. Not the optics.

Just listening to the one person you’ve probably been ignoring:

You.

Because she’s not crazy. She’s not lost. She’s just been drowned out by Slack notifications and overly perky marketing decks.

So do me a favor this weekend: Put on the playlist. Sit with yourself. And when she finally speaks?

Write it down. Then go do whatever the hell you want.

Just like grandma said.

💅 Happy Friday, love you, mean it, Jenn