Dear Vendor, Here’s What We Wish You Knew (Conference Edition)

Written by someone who IS a vendor...and still can’t stand us.

Dear Vendor, Hey. It’s me. One of you.

A fellow vendor. A badge-wearing, branded-swag-carrying, client-chasing, air kiss-giving member of the club. And I’m here with some tough love.

Because it’s conference season. And y’all are WILDING.

1. Stop Ambushing People at Breakfast. No one wants to “circle back” over a croissant. Let them sip their bitter hotel coffee in peace. If the only thing between me and carbs is your elevator pitch, you’re going in the burn book.

2. That “Client Appreciation Dinner” Better Not Be a Chain Restaurant. You said “exclusive.” You meant “Applebee’s.” One more night of soggy lettuce and team-building trivia, and I swear I’ll fake a flight change.

3. Your Branded Socks Are Not a Personality. Neither is your booth bar. We all paid a bunch of money to be here. Stop acting like your collapsible ring light is going to change tourism.

4. If They Pretend Not to See You—They Don’t Want to Talk. Yes, even if you "met them at IPW once.” Even if they downloaded your eBook in 2019. Even if you think you're the answer to all their marketing prayers. No is a full sentence, sweetie.

5. You Are Not the Moment. You are a moment. One of many. So chill. Be useful. Be interesting. Be brief.

6. Desperation Is a Fragrance, and It LINGERS. That “just following up” energy is suffocating. They’ll remember how you made them feel. And right now? It’s giving restraining order, not retainer.

7. You’re Not Just Selling Services; You’re Selling Safety. If they trust you, they’ll follow you. If they feel sold to, they’ll run. And if you waste their time? Welcome to the eternal newsletter graveyard.

I say this with love. And also with receipts. Because I’ve been that vendor. Overdressed. Overhyped. Overcompensating.

But the truth is: What clients want isn’t perfection. It’s realness. Clarity. Solutions. And sometimes, just someone who won’t make their already exhausting conference feel like a speed-dating nightmare.

So next time you're out there slingin' strategy by the salad bar... Remember: You're not selling to a persona. You're talking to a person. Who is tired. And trying. And hoping you're different.

Now go forth. And be the vendor we all wish would show up.

—One of You (But more self-aware.)